Fast Food: Expensive Garbage in a Paper Bag

Alright, bros, we need to talk about something that’s been weighing on me heavier than a triple cheeseburger with extra fries: fast food.

Remember when fast food was the ultimate go-to? Cheap, quick, and just good enough to not regret eating it? Yeah, those days are gone. Now it’s overpriced, underwhelming, and basically a slap in the face served through a drive-thru window.

Yummy.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but paying $15 for a soggy burger and cold fries is not the “fast” or “food” experience we signed up for. Anywho, back to those kids and how they need to get off my lawn, how hard is it to get an order right? 7 times out of 10, my order is wrong from Jack In The Box. And this isn't a complicated order: a couple tacos, spicy-chicken sandwich combo with a Coke and regular fries, then give me 7 stuffed jalapenos.

That is it.

But somehow, I am always missing something.

$15 for a Combo? From A Fast Food Joint. Are You Kidding Me?

When did fast food decide it wanted to be fine dining? I rolled up to a drive-thru the other day, ordered a basic-ass combo meal, and the total came out to $15.57.

Bro, for that price, I could’ve gone to a sit-down restaurant, gotten real silverware, and maybe even a smile from the waiter. But no, instead, I got a paper bag full of disappointment.

Shit, who am I kidding.

A smile from the waiter is going to cost me at least an extra $20.

Fast food used to be about convenience and affordability. Now it’s like, “Oh, you want dinner? That’ll be half your paycheck, please.” And don’t even get me started on the “upcharge” for fries and a drink.

Bro, it’s soda water and frozen potatoes—don't do me like that.

The Quality Is Trash

The quality of fast food has tanked faster than my motivation on leg day.

The burgers are smaller, the fries are limp, and the nuggets taste like they’ve been microwaved by a guy named Chadillac who for sure did not wash his hands after taking a disgustingly fat dump.

And yet, we’re paying premium prices for what? That? A cold, greasy mess that looks nothing like the pictures on the menu? Prepared by a dude with poop fingers?

And what is up with all this fucking shrinkflation, pretty soon, a burger would be the size of quarter yet cost the same or more.

Bro, if I wanted to be lied to, I’d text my ex.

The “Healthy” Menu Items Are a Scam

Oh, and let’s talk about these so-called “healthy options.”

First of all, HAHAHHA!

A $10 kale salad from a fast food joint? Bruh. Nobody goes to Taco Bell for quinoa, and if you do, I have serious questions about your life choices.

Fast food companies trying to be healthy is like me trying to convince people I don’t eat pizza after midnight... or that I am not an alcoholic.

We both know it’s bullshit.

Just give me my damn greasy burger and stop pretending to care about my cholesterol.

Drive-Thru Drama

Fast food is supposed to be fast. That’s the whole fucking point. But somehow, every drive-thru experience now feels like an endurance test. You’ve got Karen in front of you ordering for her entire PTA meeting, a broken ice cream machine, and employees who look like they’ve been held hostage since the lunch rush.

By the time you get your food, it’s cold, your soda’s flat, and your patience is completely gone.

Honestly, it’s faster to just go home and make a PB&J.

At least you know it’ll taste decent.

The Nostalgia Tax

Here’s the real kicker: fast food isn’t even good anymore, but we keep going back because of nostalgia. We remember those dollar menus, the late-night runs with friends, and the greasy perfection of a Big Mac that actually looked like a Big Mac. But now? It’s like they’re charging us extra just because they know we’re too sentimental to walk away.

Well, guess what, bro? The jig is up. I’m not paying $8 for a “value” meal that doesn’t even fill me up. You’re not serving nostalgia—you’re serving overpriced regret.

Final Thoughts

Fast food has officially jumped the shark. It’s expensive, it’s low quality, and it’s no longer worth the hype. If I’m shelling out $15 for a meal, it better be hot, delicious, and not look like it was slapped together by a blindfolded intern.

Until then, I’ll stick to making ramen at home. At least it’s cheap, quick, and doesn’t pretend to be something it’s not.

If there is a positive to all this, they are price gouging us into eating healthier. Which is a strange win, but it is a win.