Self-Care Has Become a Weird Competition (And You’re Losing Anyway)

Alright, babes, let’s talk about self-care. But first, thank you to The Cat Brah for inviting me here. He begged me nonstop, and even bribed me with a bottle of Cazadores... so I did it for the tequila.

The concept is great in theory: take a step back, pour yourself a glass of overpriced kombucha, and stop spiraling over the fact that your boss used an exclamation point instead of a period in their last email. Sounds dreamy, right? Except somewhere along the way, self-care turned into this insane Hunger Games of who can post the most aesthetically pleasing face mask routine. And honestly? It’s exhausting.

Self-Care Isn’t a Personality or that Special

Listen, I love a good bubble bath as much as the next girl, but let’s be real: throwing a delicious Lush bath bomb into the water isn’t going to solve the existential dread of paying rent in an economy that’s allergic to hope. Yet here we are, scrolling through TikToks of people filming themselves writing journals... and in calligraphy...? About their "healing journey" which makes me wanna throw up a hairball. Healing from what, Karen? The emotional trauma of running out of oat milk for your matcha latte? Please.

True self-care isn’t about aesthetics. It’s about whatever makes you actually feel human again—whether that’s meditating for 10 minutes or rage-eating an entire pizza while watching trashy reality TV. No judgment here, babe. Just don’t pretend your 6-step skincare routine is a personality.

It’s not.

Stop Spending Money to “Feel Worthy”

Here’s the tea: companies figured out that they can slap the words “self-care” on a product, charge 3x the price, and we’ll all lap it up like it’s the elixir of eternal happiness and wrinkle-free skin. $50 candles? Self-care. $100 crystal water bottles? Self-care. A $200 weighted blanket? Self-care, babe, obviously.

You need at least $300 in candles to have a proper glow up.

Here’s the harsh truth: you don’t need to blow your paycheck to take care of yourself. Self-care isn’t about bankrupting yourself on things that smell like eucalyptus; it’s about setting boundaries, saying “no” when you’re stretched too thin, and maybe (just maybe) drinking some actual water instead of another cold brew.

Crazy idea, I know.

You’re Not “Failing” at Self-Care

This is where it gets messy, my loves. Social media turned self-care into this unattainable standard where if you’re not doing yoga on a cliff at sunrise while writing in a diary about your manifestations, you’ve lived your life wrong. You don’t need a perfect morning routine, a color-coded planner, or a fridge that looks like it was organized by a Virgo on steroids.

Real self-care looks different for everyone. For some people, it’s a walk in the park. For others, it’s locking yourself in your room, ignoring texts, and ugly crying to Adele. Either way, you’re doing fine, babe. Don’t let Instagram convince you otherwise.

The Myth of the “Self-Care Glow-Up”

Oh, and let’s address the elephant in the room: the idea that self-care is supposed to lead to some kind of magical glow-up. Like, if you just meditate hard enough, exfoliate enough times, and drink enough green juice, you’ll emerge as a brand-new person who has their life completely together. Babe, no.

Sometimes, self-care isn’t pretty. Sometimes, it’s taking a nap when you “should” be working. Sometimes, it’s eating junk food instead of cooking a Pinterest-worthy meal. And sometimes, it’s dragging your butt to therapy because, guess what? No amount of dry brushing is going to fix your unresolved childhood trauma. Sorry, not sorry.

Take the Pressure Off

Here’s my unapologetic take: self-care doesn’t have to look cute, cost money, or fit into some aesthetic box.

It’s not about impressing your followers or proving that you’ve got your life together. It’s about what works for you.

So if you’re burned out and need to spend an entire weekend binge-watching bad rom-coms while eating a family-sized bag of chips, go for it. You’re not failing—you’re surviving.

The world is already doing a great job of making us all feel like we’re not enough. Don’t let your self-care routine become another way to beat yourself up. You’re doing fine, babe. Light that $3 candle, skip the expensive spa day, and just do whatever keeps you sane. Trust me, the glow-up isn’t real—but feeling like yourself again? That’s priceless.

Sending love, and maybe a little tough love.